The ‘cupboard of shame’…
If your house is filled from floor to ceiling with nice things, that are well stored, but which are crowding you out and are never used, then you definitely have a problem. Some people even insist that they need a bigger house, rather than face the truth head on. The truth is, that you can’t always hedge your bets. Sometimes, it is the best, and definitely the most efficient and thrifty option, to make some real decisions about what you actually need. Why is this so hard for some people?
Consider this. Are you one of those people who just can’t bear to be tied down to one option? Or is it even simpler than that? Is the idea of ‘giving up on’ some aspect of yourself that your unused possessions represent really hard for you to do? Do you feel as though someone has asked you to give up on a dream?
Human beings are magpies, and the advertising industry takes advantage of this. It encourages us to dream about more lifestyles and lifetimes than we will probably even have time to achieve. And no one ever says, ‘Look I’ve only got about 60 years of healthy adult life to experience all this in, as well as work and have a family and a relationship, so what am I going to prioritise?’ That would just feel creepy! So you rush out and spend your hard earned cash on stuff which you probably won’t have time to use.
Many of us do have the money to be able to buy all the attendant paraphernalia for these dreams… The skis, or the surfboard, or the exercise bike, or the artists’ easel, or the swimsuit, or the ball gown and opera glasses…. If you do actually use these items, then that’s great. But what about your ‘cupboard of shame’?
Come on, you know what I’m talking about. I mean that corner where you have some really expensive stuff tucked away that you never use, but you can’t get round to throwing out, because you haven’t been able to admit to yourself that you aren’t going to use it again. The two reasons you might not be able to admit this to yourself are
a) You feel like you’ve ‘wasted’ the money, and that feels so bad you don’t want it to be true…
b) You like feeling connected to that dream and can’t bear the idea of giving it up. And throwing that stuff out seems to ask you to do just that.
Falling into both these traps actually comes out of holding onto the idea that you have unlimited time, and don’t have to make hard decisions about what you’ll prioritise. In the first example, your belief that you’ll one day have time to use the object concerned so that it’s not ‘wasted’, means that you think time is pretty much endless… And in the second one, it is different ‘lives’ or ‘fantasy selves’ that you think you have endless time to experience.
If you really need to clear your cupboard of shame, then the first thing to realise is that you’re going to feel much lighter and better when you let go of all the objects you’ve decided you must find time to use, and all the endless lifetimes and lifestyles you’ve unconsciously promised yourself that you’ll fulfil. And when you do let go of them, and let yourself off the hook, something magical happens. The ‘you’ that actually exists in this moment has a chance to breathe again, and to grow, because it’s no longer weighed down with past dreams and promises to past selves.
It can feel scary to let go of the definition of yourself that you’ve made with these old outmoded possessions and just be open to other possibilities. But it’s also the essence of being truly alive and engaged with your life as it unfolds. That’s why getting rid of your clutter can leave you free to soar….
